I have always been a hard worker, but have never done it in order to get praise from people. No matter where I have worked, I do my absolute best because it is my job as an employee and as a Christian. I was raised to be a hard worker and I try to do my best for the Lord. I'll admit that its nice to get a "thank you" every once in a while, but that is not the reason I do my job.
I am a stay at home mom and realize that my job is to take care of the house and the kids, and train them up in the ways of the Lord, teach them to be hard workers, and good stewards of their time and money. This is a high calling that we have as moms and I've often said "I think I was born to be a mom" because I love it so much.
When I'm out with my four kids and someone says "you've got your hands full, I usually respond with "yes, but I love it!" or "its so much fun!" I always downplay the stresses of parenthood and try not to complain, but rather to count my blessings, as each day is a blessing from the Lord.
My days are busy and I feel like I never have enough hours in the day to do all that I want to get done, but I continue day in and day out to cook, clean, and take care of the family. I have a constant running list in my head of bigger jobs that I want to tackle, but often I need a bigger chunk of time to get this stuff done. Generally, on days that we eat leftovers or frozen food, I have more time to get these types of things finished.
During this internship, countless people have asked "how are you managing everything by yourself? " To which I happily respond, "oh its not that bad" or "I'm just so thankful for this opportunity, and when the Lord shows you so clearly what he wants you to do, that makes it much easier to get through something." I've been out many times with the kids by myself and friends from SPEP are always marveling that I'm doing just about everything by myself right now, and think that I'm amazing (which I really don't think I am, I just think God's gifted me to multi task and its really not a big deal for me to handle 4 kids by myslef). Needless to say, I think I'm really good at what I do, and so do others. So if I don't typically do things in order to receive praise and I truly don't feel stressed in my role as sort of a single mom of four kids right now, why do I suddenly feel so sad and hurt and offended by NOT getting praise?
As it turns out, the one person who you would think would see and be thankful for all that I do, only seems to notice what I'm NOT doing. The one person that I actually care notices me, doesn't seem to notice me at all, but completely takes for granted my God given abilities I have to handle far more than most women can when it comes to the daily grind of mothering. Ok, so he will notice the bigger things that I do, like paint the walls, or clean a room till its sparkly, but its the little things that he just has no clue about, and its just making me sick inside. Its the sorting toys and filing papers and paying bills and making phone calls and cleaning pee, milk, or water off the floor, or sweeping up another mess of cheerios for the 4th time that day, or unloading the dishwasher, or putting away laundry, or grocery shopping (and putting away the groceries) that he literally has no clue about!
He thinks that I don't like to clean because apparently I said that a long time ago before we had kids. Well, the longer you have kids, I believe the more you desire a clean house, because it just seems more unattainable the more kids you have. I actually truly enjoy cleaning now, even though I know it will be messed up again within the hour. He has no idea how often the house is clean when he is gone, but it just gets messy again once the kids wake up from their naps, or after making dinner, or during piano lessons. He has no idea how messy it was before he got home, as we rush to pick things up before he gets home because I know he likes coming home to a clean house. He thinks that I take it personally every time he brings this subject up, and I guess I do take it personally because when you give something your best and then get criticized for it, it really hurts. I get criticized for not dusting or for leaving things outside. I have to admit that dust is not number one on my priority list. I just don't even see it! Besides that, there are so many basic tasks that need to get done each day that it is difficult to find time for the deep cleaning stuff. However, I have even tried to change this aspect of my cleaning habits because I know how much it means to my husband! I used to not really notice the marks on our stainless dishwasher, fridge, and stove, but now I make it a point to clean those because I know that makes him happy. The same is true for the counter and the mirrors which I try to make nice and sparkly more often. Do I tell him every time I wipe those surfaces? of course not! Does he thank me? no, but I'm totally fine with that because as I've said earlier I'm doing my best for the Lord, not to impress my husband. And its my job, so I'm not looking for praise. Again, I would be totally fine if I didn't get any praise, but its the fact that I'm getting criticism for these things when I feel like I truly am giving every ounce of myself every day! I leave things outside because I am ALWAYS multitasking. I bring something in from outside, only to realize my water is boiling so I throw the pasta in, then Miriam wakes up from her nap with a dirty diaper, so I change her, then she wants me to hold her for at least an hour, and before I know it, I've forgotten about (or don't have time, because now its time to get dinner ready, or the boys are about to get off the bus) the stuff I was doing outside.
So that brings up the question about the Garden. Every year, my garden is brought up as something I care about while letting everything else slide. First of all, do I enjoy gardening itself? no! its the fruits of my labors that I enjoy, and I think everyone else enjoys as well. I save a ton of money and feed my family healthy organic meals all summer and winter because of my garden. Some gardeners enjoy pulling weeds and being outside in the summer and digging in the garden, but I am not one of them. Its a sacrifice but one that's worth it in my opinion, and yet all I ever hear is how I care more about my garden than anything else. Do I enjoy watching the seeds sprout and grow? Yes! Every time, it makes me marvel at how God created this earth to reproduce in this amazing way. It is truly exciting, but what I especially care about is the summer veggies.
Usually the garden takes about 1 "big project" day when I have to shovel my compost and mix it and get the soil ready, in the same way as changing out the winter/summer clothes or cleaning and sorting things in the back room need a "project day". The garden then takes a small project day when I actually plant my stuff. It really doesn't take too long to actually plant them. After they are planted, its a matter of occasionally pulling weeds and turning on the hose 2 times a day all summer. So the initial "sacrifice" of a "project day" is totally worth it to me to have a garden. Do I wish it wasn't just "my thing"? or that others would care about it, and maybe even help me with shoveling the compost once a year or pulling weeds? ( because after all everyone enjoys the fruits of the labors, but not everyone is working for it like in the Little Red Hen), Of course! I would love for others to care about the garden, not only because it would be helpful, but it really means a lot when others take an interest in what you are doing and what you care about. However it is known as "my thing", so its all left up to me. In fact it makes me feel guilty being out there on that one "project day" a year, just because I could be inside doing some deep cleaning instead. Its kind of sad that I have to feel guilty about having a garden!
Anyway, I'm going to be logging everything I do each day because now I feel the need to prove my worth and show how much a stay at home mom does, although I don't think a man really understands all that it takes unless they've attempted being a stay at home dad for at least a month, doing the grocery shopping, meal planning and cooking, etc. Not to mention the fact that I work about twice as fast as the average person, and still struggle to get everything on my list accomplished!
Day 1 (evening)
8:30-9:45 Unload and reload dishwasher, clean kitchen, finish exchange of winter/summer clothes in the boys room. Straighten bathroom, fold laundry, have a snack, take out trash.
9:45-10:00 Check email
10:10-10:55 - finish putting away laundry. Finish cleaning out van and putting stuff away. Put away clothes on bed, and clean next to bed. Sweep floor. put away pack and play. Get ready for bed.
Day 2
7-9am - bathroom, Bible study, make breakfast, change Miri, make boys lunch, check email, take boys to school. Call Jen about a sewing question, call in prescription for Miri. Look through costumes for a belt, clean up costumes.
9-10:15 - Sort through Isaacs clothes and put away. Clean and vacuum bedroom. Take plants outside. Take out recycling and compost
10:15-11 - Miriam's clothes and room (vacuum)
11-12 Make cookies with Isaac for baseball game/ lunch
12-12:15 pick up RX for Miri (ears)
12:15-12:30 read, put kids to bed
12:30-1:30 write blog
1:30-2:30 exercise, shower, get ready
2:30-3 clean kitchen, wash dishes, put away odds and ends on counter, sweep floor.
3-4:20 make sweet potatoes, marinate chicken for Saturday intern meal. Bag, wrap and freeze chicken and beef bought in bulk.
4:20-5:45 get dinner ready, eat, clean kitchen, wash dishes, clean microwave, have kids clean living room, read Bible, call net10 with a question.
5:45-6 clean 2 spilled smoothies and change miri while heading out the door to baseball.
6-7:45 baseball
7:45-? wash dishes, change Miri, finish cleaning smoothie spilled in van, get kids in bed.
Day 3
6:40 Bible study
7-8:30 spend time together, get everyone out the door/breakfast, piano practice.
8:30 paint with Isaac and Miri/ exercise
9- get ready/ play with kids
9:40-11 go to PEP for bread. Go to safeway (this took way too long- had to go to van and spank Miri a couple of times for acting up)
11- bring in and put away groceries, lunch, put miri to bed. Clean kitchen
12 play with Isaac, read, put to bed
12:45 email, start laundry
1-3 piano
3-3:30 pull weeds, plant tomatoes
3:45 hang laundry, work through fighting/discipline of kids
4-5 start dinner
5-5:30 piano
5:30-7:30 dinner/ clean up
7:30-8:30 Bathe Miri, clean diahrea, get kids in bed
Day 4
6:30-8:15 get up, Bible study, make breakfast, tend to kids/ homework, lunch, etc
8:15 start laundry, get Isaac and Miri occupied so I can exercise. Bleach tub/toys from Miri's diahrea in bath last night
9:15 Clean up mess Isaac and Miri made
9:40-11 go outside to play with Isaac and Miri, pull weeds, plant/water seeds, tend to Mir who starts screaming
11 come in, finish cleaning bathrub and fill for Isaac and Miri to take a bath, start to hang laundry, but realize I have to take down and fold from previous day. Start this, then get kids out of bath. Miri gets mad about something ( I didn't wrap the towel around her properly, gets mad, throws tantrum, slips and falls on her face. Nose and lip start bleeding. CLean her up. Calm her down and get her dressed.
11:30 give lunch, finish hanging laundry while they are eating.
12:15 read and put I and M to bed.
12:45-1:20 pull weeds, line up soaker hose in garden, then realize it is the wrong way, so take it out and start over!
1:20-2 lunch/email
2-2:30 unload/reload dishwasher, clean kitchen/sweep
2:30-3:30 read with Isaac, jump on trampoline/ fall asleep for a few minutes
3:30- boys get home- assign chores, complain, discipline, try and retrieve Obi Wan lego dropped under deck
4-5:15 chores -back porch, clean yard, rake leaves and bag
5:15 start dinner, play baseball with Luke
5:45-7 dinner, Bible, clean up
7:30 bed/read
8-8:30 piano lesson
8:30-9:15 practice piano.
9:15-? clean kitchen/sweep floor.
Day 5
7:30 bathroom, read/potty with Miri
8 make breakfast, help boys make lunch
8:45- 11:10, take boys to school, go to Pep for bread, drop some bread at Jen's and talk about 30 min. Go to Aldi. On the way home, realize I need to cut our unsightly grass, but there is no gas left in lawn mower. Go home to get gas container, let Isaac in the house to pee. On the way to get gas, Miri has to pee, run in and out of KFC for her, then finally fill the van and container with gas.
11:15 eat breakfast, start to bring in groceries. Clean up floor from Isaac spilling water. Clean blueberries that spilled from busted bag and put in a new bag. Take out trash.
11:35 Bring in more groceries and put away, spank Isaac, help clean up his mess. Take miri potty, clean her hands and face from oatmeal. Fix clothespin Isaac broke (5 minutes).Help Miri put clothes and shoes away. Fold up blanket (drying inside from water spilled at the bball game) to go back in the van
12-12:50 unload and reload dishwasher with kids. Go outside to start making a pond for the toad with Isaac, come inside, make lunch, eat, read Bible with I and M, put kids to bed
12:50 - 1:40 Ginny Piano
1:40-3:15 Clean yard, mow lawn in hot sun, need a shower but don't have time for one because Miri wakes up and has to go potty and wants to read.
Start to make smoothie (hungry and dehydrated from mowing lawn). Amelia comes over for piano.
3:30-4:10 Amelia
4:10 take shower, Mamie cuts my hair and we talk for a little while
5:30-6:30 get dinner ready/ bathe Miri, Isaac and Andrew and clean up sand they dragged in from the sandbox. Play baseball with Luke, replace a tomato plant that died with a new one.
6:30-7:30 eat, clean kitchen
7:30-8 clean kitchen, bathroom, deal with Miri tantrum, get her ready for bed. Look for excedrin. Sit down to rest 2 minutes.
8-8:10 check email
8:10-8:50 wipe down counter/ read to Isaac and ANdrew
8:50-9 sweep floor
9-10 keep dealing with Isaac getting up/ calling for me
Day 6
Get up at 5:30 - read online about making ponds for toads/frogs
6-6:40 check email, write this daily schedule part of this blog post.
6:40-7:10 exercise
